u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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