Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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