It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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