We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize