Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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