Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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