I've blown a few things in my day
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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