so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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