forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize