why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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