god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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