JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
third nipple confirmed
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Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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