I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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