but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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