please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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