There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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