Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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