i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize