these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize