So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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