stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize