my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize