My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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