Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
smell my finger.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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