I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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