He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize