Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize