I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize