My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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