You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize