I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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