No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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