3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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