who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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