I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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