Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize