neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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