I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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