exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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