new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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