my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize