We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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