If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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