Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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