I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize