my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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