i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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