She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize