just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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