woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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